« page 132 » nichkhun & hani
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It’s the only word that seems to remain in her vocabulary, as if all the years of telling herself that she wasn’t that helpless little girl anymore has suddenly been put to waste. Maybe, she thinks, if she had seen this coming earlier, she would have put even more distance between them, but it seems that she had gotten careless. Somewhere along the line, she let herself become too comfortable, and now is the chance to pull away before things get even more complicated.
Before she can even attempt to gather her voice, though, the male’s lips are meeting the top of her head, and all she can do is stare at the book in her hands, the text beginning to blur while her ears start ringing. A quick succession of memories flashes in her head, from late night chats about made-up theories to a chin resting on her shoulder, then atop her head before lips meet the same spot. It’s terrible how those years she’d worked to forget have somehow repeated themselves without her realizing. Nichkhun’s words are dulled and amplified all at the same time, and all Hani wants to do is tell him to be quiet, to stop talking, and to just think for a second about what he’s saying. It’s not until a tear finally falls onto a page when she finally says something, keeping her head low and quickly shutting the book, and she tries to hand it back to its owner, if only in an attempt to somehow be distracted as she stutters out a reply. “N.. No, I can’t— You can’t.. You don’t understand. You don’t know. I can’t. I can’t.”
“No– Hani you can–"The words of denial she’d uttered only caused Nichkhun to shake his head and drape his arms around her.
"You can.”
All he could do at that moment, was lie still there, trying his best to shield her with comfort. “I know you can. You’re just scared. You have to find it in you to trust me. Just try, look harder for it.” Trust; the word he continues to vocalize within his thoughts and out his mouth, finding it to be the only thing which would prove effective in soothing her, but maybe he wasn’t trying hard enough. “… Just think about this - remember when we became friends. All those times I made you cocoa when you came over. Your cashmere sweaters, and the scents you wore that seemed to linger for days after–
It took a moment for him to realize that’d he’d begun to re-live those several years out loud, and bring his recollections to light. She was such a special person to him, and thinking about how he’d let his thirst for recognition so easily put a wall between them, made his stomach knot. ” I may have messed up a few chapters, but give me the chance to make this one better. I’ve already begun the process of redeeming myself, ‘cause you’re that important. I’m gonna be here for you, I’ll come get you wherever you’re stuck when you need me, I’ll do it. I’m not gonna go away again like last time. So I need you to find the trust in there– someplace. “
